What's your name ?

So, what's the big deal about my name ? "Guruprasad Raghunathan" -- does it sound too gross ? Just because it's lengthy, does it bog you down in any way ? Well, it does, for several people in foreign countries.

Exactly a year ago, sometime during Christmas, I successfully failed in my road test (for the second time, in less than two months) in the US, in an effort to obtain my driver's license. You know what was running through my mind when I overlooked that dreadful "STOP" sign and was almost about to have a collision with an SUV (who had 'the right of way', as they call it) coming from the right ? -- "what the heck is wrong with my name?" I came back to my senses when the inspector, who was sitting next to me yelled, "Watch out!! You're gonna get me killed !!". I felt like shouting back, "Hey !! It happened because your gluttonous paunch was completely obscuring my vision! So, YOU better watch out!!". Unfortunately, I had to keep to myself.

Coming back, people in the US, seem to be having a problem with my name. The driving inspector, just before the driver's test, called out names of candidates who were giving their driver's exam. Each of them, acknowledged their presence by raising their hands.

"George" *hand raise*, "David" *hand raise*, "Bob" *hand raise* and so on.

Then came a long silence, followed by sounds like "uh, oh, huh, ah", and a silence again. He was nearly sweating and seemed to be having a nervous breakdown -- I quietly raised my hand and said, that must be my name, "Guruprasad Raghunathan". He heaved a sigh of relief and said, "well, err, I guess it is. Come on over junior (excuse me, am 26 years old !!), and sign your name in here". He was curious to know how people called me. I said, people who knew and liked me, called me Guru. To relieve him of his mental agony, I asked him to call me by the same name. He still seemed to be distressed, as my signature confused his already cluttered brain. He was so darn curious to know how a big name like mine, could be summarised into such a small signature, consisting of just four characters - GURU. He asked me, "Are you sure your signature is not incomplete?". I felt like saying, "Oh sorry, it actually is. Hang on, let me append my father, grandfather and my great-grandfather's names to it. Would my driver's licence card have enough room to accomodate that?"

I come across several such incidents on a daily basis, no matter where I go -- be it the local pharmacy or the barber shop. People seem to lose patience and some even get higly demoralised afer reading the first few letters of my name. G-U-R-U is the usual threshold. They get bowled out after that. Some take it as a challenge and try to crack my name, as if it were a puzzle, doh! I remember this technical support guy from AT&T, who said he was pretty comfortable reading "parts" of my name, like - GURU, SAD, RAG, THAN (from GURUPRASAD RAGHUNATHAN). He was so very amused, especially by "RAG", that he asked me if he could call me so, for convenience. I said, I would call him a "ROGUE" if he addressed me so. Luckily, most of the people are quite okay with GURU. Thanks to the word, for it's found a place in the english dictionary ! Having difficulties reading a foreign name is understandable. Everyone faces that. But why criticize it ? Should it necessarily have to be prefixed and suffixed with phrases like "gosh", "oops", "my god !" and "I give up" ?

For all those who are dyslexic about my name, I have one question to ask -- How on earth did you accept a name like Arnold Schwarzenegger ? Were you able to get it right the first time, without stuttering or stammering even a bit ? Come on man, I know people in India who lost their sleep over it! And you talk about lengthy names, damn !!