Nature's call

Yesterday, I had been to Santhome beach to capture some splendid moments of nature. That's where I shot this beautiful pic. Looks like 'Nature' got embarrassed with my amateur photography. As I was walking back to the parking lot, 'Nature' called me. Tried ignoring it. No-go. It called me again and again. I had to listen to it this time. Started looking around for a public toilet. After a long hunt, found a dilapidated structure near the light house. Heaved a loud sigh of relief and started running towards that heaven.

"Plis, plis staap saar", came a voice from a corner. Had no time to waste. Especially, was not in a mood to listen to some jerk shouting in English.

Irritatingly, I shouted back saying, "Enna ya venum ? "
(Meaning, "what the hell do you want man ?")

That guy continued to speak in English and asked something that stumped my brain and heated up my haemoglobins - Must have been around 104 degrees Fahrenheit.

"Saar, you going one bathroom aa Illa two bathroom aa ?"
(Precisely speaking, "do you wanna pee or shit?")

I asked him in tamil, "How the hell does it bother you?"

By then, nature stopped calling me. It actually started to yell. I was really trying hard, but this guy was just incorrigible.

He again replied in English saying, "Saar, I yum the toilet master. Plis pay one ruvees far one bathroom and two ruvees far two bathroom"

And that was the last straw to break the camel's back ! I was fuming within myself. He was not ready to allow me inside without the payment. And even if I did pay, I was doubtful if he would come inside to check what I was really doing. I've heard of a school master, station master, Karate master, grand master and even a tea master. But who the hell is a toilet master ? Probably he wanted to command some respect for his profession. I had no time to think about all that shit. I had been challenged by Nature and had to answer it desperately. Finally, tossed a two 'ruvees' coin on his table and sprinted towards Nirvana. Not that I came under the two 'ruvees' category,
but wanted to avoid getting spied by another man !


What I saw inside the toilet, literally made me puke. Unclean floor covered with a dirty slush of mud. Pieces of shit spread all over the pot. Sanitary tubes and valves broken and unplugged from the basins. Colourful designs on the walls made out of a mixture of pan and saliva and tobacco and what not. Nauseating stench. To top it all, there was not a drop of water in the taps. To my surprise, I even found some excreta on the wash basin. I've only heard about people doing things differently. This was the first time I saw it ! I know creativity has no limits. But this is atrocious ! Believe me, I have not exaggerated even a single fact.

What is really stopping these people from maintaining the toilets clean, inspite of we paying money for using them ? This is not the case with just this toilet alone. Almost all public toilets in India are maintained this way. Who owns them ? If they do collect money from public for it's maintenance, why the hell are they neglecting it? will these toilets never have periodic inspections ? I see this so called 'toilet master' collecting coins from the public and stacking them on his table just like we do while playing popper on a carom board. Who uses this money and for what purpose ? These are some of the questions for which I have no answers.

Sometimes I used to think, maybe it is because of this reason that our desi folks prefer the street corner near a transformer rather than a public toilet.

Speaking of toilets, ah ! that rings a bell ! Someone once told me - "Marriage is like a toilet. People who are outside, desperately want to get in and people who are inside, desperately want to get out."

All said and done, I've always had this question lingering in my mind since my childhood days.

I would be grateful if someone could answer -

Why is number one associated with pee-ing and number two, with shitting ? On what basis were the rankings declared ?